I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Randomize
