im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
