We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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