Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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