i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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