nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
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