I am puke
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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