Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
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