So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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