Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Randomize
