I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
We have started to decorate penises.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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