so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
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