Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
