There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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