so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
This is the high leading the old right now
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Randomize
