Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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