he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
