you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
