It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Randomize
