nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Randomize
