i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize
