No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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