I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
