Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
