and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
