i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
