Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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