You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Randomize
