I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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