you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
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