i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Randomize
