Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
