halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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