my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
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