Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Randomize
