Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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