I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
