jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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