If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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