ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Randomize
