so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Randomize
