repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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