My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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