so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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