I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Randomize
