I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
