Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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