Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
you didnt know i had herpes?
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
