I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Randomize
