I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
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