So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
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