Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
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