Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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