non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize