I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Randomize
