her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
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