i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
