I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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