nut hugger
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
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