Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
