No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize