Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Randomize
