But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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