it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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