Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
