someone get that fucking seahorse.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
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