I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
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