if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
