So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
