Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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