All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
well you can't waste a boner
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
