Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
