What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
