So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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