Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Randomize
