He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize
