I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Randomize
