I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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