and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
