I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
