Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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