How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
