my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
