Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
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