My nipple is on Facebook.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
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