he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
