I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Your cock deserves a montage
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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