i barfeds in our rink
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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